Aberration… (A total absence of affectation)

I’m not myself if not obsessed…
It’s such a bore to act like humans.
I haven’t meant them to abased,
But as for me – it’s hellish fusions.
If all your fears had been possessed,
By those who know how to treat illusions,
Your soul will be anatomized,
Without a shade of self-confusions…
It’s like when you are paralyzed,
When there is nothing but delusions.
So is it worth? Being sacrificed?
Just to avoid ache from seclusion…
It’s like they want to be chastised,
Like selfish will to drown in torments.
But tortures can be customized,
To hone yourself without cajolements…
I am not myself if not obsessed,
But what’d you know of my obsessions?
When I was broken and betrayed,
I've burned my life without oppressions…
And when the ashes were allayed,
I was released from limitations.
It's like my visions have been played,
Too hard for all my odd confessions.
For now I do feel quite delighted,
Though cravings doesn't fit the frames!
It was so great to been enlightened,
Though all my dreams were fade in flames...
My sins had been softly forfeited,
No suffer and no pointless hopes,
My soul… There is no need to fake it!
In paradise of hazy scopes.
But don’t be blindly hypnotized,
By tempting world of vivid passions,
Your pain will be anaesthetized,
But you will lose one human’s precious.
When you have no fears to apprised,
No feelings, nor forgotten weakness,
Your senses will be colorizer,
Though boredom will become your sickness...
So here I am! Not blessed, nor cursed!
I am the master of disasters!
My door to ignorance is closed,
And there’s no need of self-adjustments.
I can be loved and can be loathed,
But it is such a blurred expressions,
I want to feel, but I am too cussed,
To take a part in soul secession.
So fight me, there is no constraint!
You can try all to ruin dimensions,
Nay rape my thoughts, or ‘kill’ restraint,
But do not lead it to frustration...
I am not myself if not obsessed,
Though with insensitive emotions…
It is so hard to be impressed,
In world without a pure commotions.
It's not about being depressed,
It has more complex, striking meanings.
When you're addicted to contests,
But have no rival with same 'feelings'.
You face your nightmares with no faint,
You're free from social diseases.
But winners do not drown in plaint,
Nor go for scorn in self-forgiveness...
You see the beauty at first sight,
And try to raze its pure deterrence.
No interest, no 'bloodshed' fights...
You still can't see the plain coherence?
Come closer, don't be terrified,
I never hurt innocent creatures,
You want to safe me, dear child?
So firstly face my vivid features...
I'm more alive than those who praised,
Just lack of feelings my self-torments,
So break the rules, don't be so crazed,
About the usual endorsements.
My path is pure while it is damned,
I get my pleasure from odd madness.
No sleep, no rest for those who're raised,
From ashes of perverted sadness…
I'm not the Devil, nor sweet saint,
You know what hides under my scars,
With all that knowledge, twisted fate,
Come, dare to play me lullabies...

By Eleonora Borodina Czajowski (Dante Heks)